Tactics For Dummies
by Aceplayer22
Summary: The 'For Dummies' book series strikes again with 'Tactics for dummies'. The basics of tactics and combat... for dummies, with helpful tips about units, stats, support conversation and others. With this book we guaranty you that we'll turn the most incompetent strategist into a 'A-class' tactician or you'll die trying. Featuring the cast of Fire Emblem Awakening.(Parody)
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Fire Emblem or the 'For dummies' book series.**

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**Tactics For Dummies**

Welcome to 'Tactics For Dummies' your instruction manual for your career as a tactician . With this easy to follow book you will turn into the bigest-badasses grandmaster in the whole outrealm.

With this book you will learn the wonders of the world of tactics in the universe of Fire Emblem and more. Our goal is to instruct you how to survive the multiple battles and skirmishes while having fun and answering your questions. Like

"What are base stats and grow stats?"

"How can a sword beat an axe or axes beat spear and spears beats swords?"

"What in the flying fuck is a Pegasus and can I eat it?"

"Magic? What is this the Lord of the Rings?"

"What is a support conversation? I came here to kill stuff"

and others.

For this task we brought the whole cast of the latest game in the franchise Fire Emblem Awakening, we could have brough people from the other games like Eliwood or Ephraim but we know most of you just play Awakening and don't know about the other games but that's alright, keep living with your ignorance. With the help of the Shepherds, a bunch of highly train assassin/cyborg monkeys and a couple of laptops we'll turn your sorry ass into a half decent strategist.

This book is brought to you by the 'Ylissean association for the dumb and stupid', 'That Fake Company,inc', 'The Robin school of tactics' and 'The royal house of the halidom of Ylisse'

Written by a pair of prick without nothing better to do.

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**Hello and welcome.**

**my name is Aceplayer22 and you just read the prologue of my new side project that I'm writing with a friend of mine. Please understand that this is a side project and updates are not going to be that often. My main focus are my OC Persona fic and my OC Fire Emblem fic(Shameful self advertisement GO!)**

**This chapter is short but is because is only an introduction that I write in an hour(2 hour tops)**

**As you may already notice this fic is a parody of the famous book series 'For dummies', I haven't read a 'For dummies' book (in english at least) but I understand the focus and what is supposed to accomplish... and I'm going to make fun of it.**

****Remember to Follow, review and favourite if you find this remotely entertaining.****

****Ace out.****


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Fire Emblem or the 'For dummies' book series.**

**Tactics For Dummies**

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**Chapter 1: The History Of Fire Emblem**

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ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT!?WHO!?WHERE!?WHY!?

Oh-Oh Hi there, w-welcome to Tactics for dummies! I'm your host, faceless narrator.

I-I wasn't expecting any company so I apology for the… shameful state you found me in… So… What did I miss?

*Shows footage of Fire Emblem Fates*

…

Shit.

Well then… We apparently have a whole new game to examine.

*Assistant appears* Oh you still work here. What is it?

Assistant: *Mumble, mumble*

What? What do you mean is technically three games? Did Fire Emblem turn into pokemon or something?

Assistant: *Mumble, mumble*

Oh… I did…. Huh… For how long was I out?

Anyway, let's move onwards before the author decides to hibernate for another century again.

*Ahem* Let's begin on our easy to follow tutorial on the fire emblem series, starting with:

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**The History: Humble Beginnings**

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Fire Emblem or Faiā Emuburemu for those Rosetta Stone users was created by Shouzou Kaga and Intelligent Systems in japan during-

Audience member 1: Can you call it something else?

What, Fire Emblem?

AM1: No, Japan. How about _"Sunrise Land"!_

… No, now shut up. Where was I? Oh right, Fire Emblem: Ankoku Ryū to Hikari no Tsurugi or Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and Blade of Light started as a Dojin project or in terms that we can understand, it was made like any other game back in the 90's… 3 college dudes and Kaga on their basement.

It was released on April 20, 1990 published by nintendo for the famicom or Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). The game was a massive success, introducing gamers of Japan to Tactical Role-playing game elements like stats, grid movement, micromanaging individuals units and the loved(sometimes dreaded) permanent death or perma-death mechanic, where when characters dies in combat **THEY DIE PERMANENTLY** *Thunder sounds*... Because people die when they are killed. This in the future would become a staple of the genre and Fire Emblem itself.

The game spawn a sequel called Fire Emblem Gaiden on March 14, 1992 introducing branching unit classes and other new elements.

A sequel for Fire Emblem: Ankoko-Ankoku Riii-The first game was later release on January 21, 1994 for the Super Famicom (SNES) With a remake of the original game and a sequel of the story divided as Book 1 and Book 2 respectable. This was the best selling Fire Emblem game until recently when both Awakening and later Fates broke the record of 77.6K, this is also the first and only remake in the series along the 12th instalment Heroes of Light And Shadows.

*Assistant shows Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon*

Yep, the only remakes of the original, there's no other remake… Anyway moving one.

Shouzou Kaga would stay for two more games. Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War on May 14, 1996 AND Fire Emblem: Thracia 776 on January 21, 2000 (With a "Nintendo Power" release on September 1, 1999) both games for the SNES, after this Kaga leave the company to develop his own new game in his new founded studio Tirnanog.

Kaga: HAHA, LATER FUCKERS!

The game was called TearRing Saga, a tactical medieval… Roleplaying… Game… Huh, stick with what you know I guess. I'm surprised Nintendo didn't sue him.

Assistant: *Mumble, mumble*

Oh they did? Oh daaaamn… Well, we'll touch the Saga games later on but for now let's move on.

After the departure of Kaga Fire Emblem still went on ahead spawning yet another sequel. Fire Emblem: Binding Blade or Fire Emblem: Sword of Seals or-You get the idea, release in Japan on March 29, 2002 for the Gameboy Advance, being the first game release on a handheld.

You are probably wondering: Narrator, you sexy beast of a man. You only mention Japan so far, what about the rest of the world?

Well let me tell you little Timmy, back in the day not many games were localize to the rest of the world, this includes the Fire Emblem series… That was, until an unexpected hero arrive…

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**Fire Emblem Enters The Fray!**

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Back in 1998, japanese game developer and fountain of youth discoverer Masahiro Sakurai wanted to create a fighting game with 4 player in mind and created Dragon King: The Fighting Game… And after noticing the poor sale of generic looking fighting games decided to scrap the idea and create something original. He decided to make a prototype of a fighting game including popular Nintendo characters behind Nintendo's back. After balancing the game, he show it to his overlords and they liked it, sparing him from committing seppuku in front of a Mario Statue for his betrayal(totally legit history)

Originally Sakurai wanted to include Marth(Fire Emblem: Ankokoko-Ankokoro-ankuku-An-Shadow Dragon and Blade of Light protagonist) in Smash Bros since he wanted to include another sword-wielder for Smash beside Link from The Legend Of Zelda but limitations didn't allow this to happen. Sakurai was disappointed by this, being a big Fire Emblem fan since it's release… Something that people would start to notice later on…

Smash Fan: Please! Stop with the Fire Emblem characters! We have like 7 of those already!

Sakurai:*Smiles* … *Press Button*

**Nowi joins the fray!**

Smash Fan: FUUUUUUUU-

Sakurai:*Smiles*

However on 2000-2001 during the development of Fire Emblem: Binding Blade, Sakurai finally included Marth into the roster of Super Smash Bros Melee for the Gamecube along newcomer Roy, protagonist of the still in development Fire Emblem: Binding Blade as a cross promotion for the game. Originally both characters were going to be unavailable for the U.S release but the popularity of the characters made Nintendo make the bolt decision of keeping them for the U.S release and giving footing for the Fire Emblem series in the west, with curiosity rising and questions questions like:

Smash Fan 1: Who is this kid with a sword? Soulless Link?

Smash Fan 2: What is Roy?

Smash Fan 3: Who is that pretty girl with blue hair*Lick lips* I like her.

Nintendo decided to make their move and finally release a Fire Emblem game in the west.

So in short, Sakurai RKO's Fire Emblem characters out of nowhere and now we have Fire Emblem officially on the west.

Smash Fan: Please*Cries* No more.

**Micaiah join the Smash**

Sakurai:*Smiles*

Smash Fan: *Cries* No, we are begging you. Stop!

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**The Rise, Fall And Rise Again**

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The next game in the line of Fire Emblem was the cleverly titled… Well, Fire Emblem. Known in Japan as Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken or Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword and also known as Fire Emblem: The Sword of Flame was released on April 25, 2003 in Japan, November 3, 2003 in North America, and July 16, 2004 in Europe for the Gameboy Advance, created with localization in mind the game received positive critics and is hail as one of the best Gameboy games of all times and one of the best Fire Emblem in the series.

After it, they release Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones for the Game Boy Advance. It was released on October 7, 2004 in Japan, and was later localized and released on May 23, 2005 in North America.

Then they release Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn for the Gamecube and Wii respectable on 2005 and 2008 as part of the Tellius saga or as I like to call it "Difficulty curve turn into a fucking wall" saga… And then there was silence.

NOW ONTO FIRE EMBLEM AWAKENING!

Assistant: ***AHEM***

What!?

Assistant: ***AHEM!***

Oh fine, I'll talk about fucking Shadow Dragon.

*Sigh* Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon was a remake of the first Fire Emblem release on the Nintendo DS released on August 7, 2008 in Japan and in Europe on December 5, 2008. The North American version was released later, on February 16, 2009. It wasn't very good and the sales were fine but not great but fine and the story was meh since it was completely rip from the original from 1990 and can I please move on?

Assistant: *Nods*

Okay, then a remake of the third Fire Emblem came out named…

…

Oh you gotta be kidding me. Fire Emblem: Shin... Monshō no Nazo... ~Hikari to Kage... no Eiyū~? Also known as Fire Emblem: New Mystery of the Emblem ~Heroes of Light and Shadow~... This game didn't get a localization but a fan translation, it was release for the DS on July 15, 2010 in Japan and it received positive reviews but poor sales as well.

For those curious there an english patch available for the game made by a group named 'The Heroes Of Shadow', for more information visit Serenes Forest.

*Serene forest on fire*

Not the actual place! The website.

Now I know why you are here, we all know why you are here, so let's go with it.

*Deep breath* After the decline in sales, Intelligent Systems was giving news from Nintendo that if the game didn't sold 250.000 copies the series would come to an end. With this news Intelligent Systems prepare to go all in, the last stand, their final battle. Each veteran of the franchise were put in key roles, new faces to bring a fresh look and with a new system to work with they did it.

However the journey had a rocky path.

Developer 1: We need to attract people to the game. What do we do?

Developer 2: How about…. We set up the game in Mars! And give it a futuristic look! It would looks so cool!

Developer 1:... How about… No.

*Base on true events… Maybe*

They decided to make this game the culmination of all their efforts throughout the years and bring different elements from previous games like building relationships between units, a map where you could pick up extra missions, child units as a result of the relationships of the characters and more.

Finally the game was released on April 19, 2012, in Japan, February 4, 2013, in North America and April 19, 2013, in Europe. The game sold 242,600 units during opening week and by the beginning of 2013, the game had sold 455,268. The game was selling like hotcakes… The rage for Fire Emblem awakening was so big that the pre-order site for the limited bundle crashed due to the amount of pre-orders.

The game was out of stock in some stores in japan. This was nuts for a game like Fire Emblem.

-Meanwhile in your local japanese game store-

*People bashing the doors* A couple of game store employees were holding the door of the store for dear life.

Game store clerk 1: WE CAN'T HOLD THEM! WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!?

Game store clerk 2: BUT WE DON'T HAVE MORE FIRE EMBLEM

Game Store clerk 3: *Peeks out of the store* HAVE SOME FINAL FANTASY XIII YOU BASTARDS!*Throws copy of Final Fantasy XIII* Suddenly the game came was thrown back at the clerk's face, knocking him out cold.

Game store clerk 1: Well he got fucked.

*Window breaks* The faces of many Fire Emblem fans peek out of the cracks.

Fan 1: GIVE ME FIRE EMBLEM!

Fan 2: I WANT MY WAIFUUUU!

*Window falling down* The fans slowly enter the store.

Fan 3: I NEED MY DIFFICULTY FIX!

Fan 4: I WANNA RIDE THE HYPE TRAIN, YEEEHAAAW

Game store clerk 1 and 2: EEEEEEEEEEK

-IN LOVING MEMORY OF GAME STORK CLERK 1, 2 AND 3-

_It's been a long day, without you my friend-*Record scratch*_

Okay, enough of that, you get the idea. After such a success the team of Intelligent Systems was saved and got the green light to continue the series… And so they did.

In their most recent game. Fire Emblem If or as it is known in other place beside the japan, Fire Emblem Fates…. But that's a story for another day.

This has been all for today in this episode of tactics and dummies, hope to see you next time when we tackle on the story and lore of Fire Emblem and begin to delve into the game itself.

Until next time!

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This book is brought to you by the 'Ylissean association for the dumb and stupid', 'That Fake Company,inc', 'The Robin school of tactics', 'The royal house of the halidom of Ylisse', 'Sakurai's fan club' 'The Heroes Of Shadow non official non existent committed' and 'Micaiah For Smash petitioners'

Written by a pair of prick without nothing better to do.

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**Hello everyone. It's been a while... No really, it's been a while. Is this site even alive now. I thought the Korean spammers would take over this place by now.**

**Anyway, this is the so long awaited first chapter of tactics and dummies... I know it didn't involve tactics but I wanted to start by giving the game a little backstory of how it was made.**

**Also all the information I got for this was from: Serenesforest, Wikipedia and the Fire Emblem Wiki. If I fucked up any detail or something well... Blame it on sleep depravation**

**Remember to Follow, review and favourite if you find this remotely entertaining.**

**Ace out.**


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